The Murder Of A Cat Named Mister Fudge
by Atomic Cube
Summary: Ness and Kirby are best friends. But what happens when someone comes and befriends Ness? How will Kirby react?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I brainstormed this one. No need to worry about writers block. Still, most of the "humor" will come on the spot.

There once was a puffball named Kirby. Kirby was cute, bouncy, and pink... The most desirable friend one could wish for. While fangirls drooled over Roy, Link, and Marth, Kirby was huggled and snuggled by the millions, not just fangirls. Every day, packages of baby binkies, knitted sweaters, locks of hair, and tubes of blood would arrive for him. He was a plush toy, an action figure, a snow globe, and yes, even a tampon. Many tried to gain the title of "Best buddy of Kirby". But alas, their freakish stalker efforts were in vain. For Kirby's best friend was the one and only Ness. Ness and Kirby spent every moment together. They would play with Fox's ray gun, make obscene remarks about Marth's tiara, and sift through Zelda's underwear drawer. Yet they always managed to get away with it because they were so gosh-darn adorable. Yes, life was sweet and luxurious for our sickeningly cute smasher, Kirby. 

That is... Until the day Super Smash Brothers Melee became Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Then the newcomers started pouring in.

"WOOOOOOOOOT! BRAWWWWWWLLLL-EH!" 

"BRING ON THE NEW MEAT!"

Kirby and Ness screamed in deep, obnoxious voices as their fellow smashers inched in away. It was breakfast time for the smashers. They all gathered in the breakfast hall, munching on waffles. But not average waffles. SUPER ENHANCED BLUEBERRY WAFFLES! You see, the new brawlers were being introduced today, so it was an extremely special event. The two friends head-high-fived with a grunt and slurped up their milk. 

"HAAAAAAARG! YEAH MAN! BRAWL IS HERE!"

Roy burst into their breakfast scene, wearing authentic SSBB fan-garb. He howled like a dog, picked up a plate of waffles, and gave it a head-high-five. Ignoring the cries of Jigglypuff at her now inedible waffles, he plopped his bottom right next to Ness and Kirby. "Wassup guys. Excited about brawl? 'Cause I sure am... But I'm not sure I made it clear enough." Roy grinned and wiped the syrup and butter from his hair. They made a face. "What are you so happy about?" Ness asked smugly. "Yeeeaaah?" Kirby made the question even more irritating. Roy's grin disappeared, and somewhere, a fangirl farted. "W-what do you mean? I'm excited because there's new people... new fans... new stages... the ability to replay an ass-kicking..." Kirby silenced him with a stub of an arm, which was sticky with syrup. "You can't stay here for that. You're being layed off. 'Member?" Ness nodded, giggling a bit at Roy's clueless stupidity. "C'mon you guys..." Roy's grin returned, and somewhere, a fangirl decided not to order the bean burrito. "They can't get rid of me. It's impossible. I rock. I can speak _japanese_."

"So can I dude." Marth - who knew about the lay off - strolled by casually by and patted him on the shoulder. Roy's grin faded once more. "Please tell me you're kidding?!" He looked kind of pathetic, with bits of waffles sticking to his face, wearing a panicked expression. Ness and Kirby shook their heads in unison. "Yeah dude. You're out..." Kirby began heartlessly. "Didn't anyone tell you? Mewtwo, Young Link, Pichu, Some other suckish fighter... they were all layed off... You really shouldn't be here right now."

"Pfft, what are they gonna do? KICK me out?" Roy leaned back smoothly, folding his arms behind his back. Kirby and Ness disguised their mischievous laughter with fake coughs. While this whole scene was going on, the new brawlers were chatting nervously behind closed doors. 

"OKAY!"

The voice of Master Hand echoed off the walls. "Time to introduce our new brawlers!" The hand squealed gleefully. Master Hand usually wasn't this excited about anything. But his twin brother, Crazy Hand, was on vacation, and that alone was enough to make all of his pent up joy explode in one day. He shivered with delight and silenced all of the smashers with a hand motion... which was the only motion he could make. "Now, you all no today is a--" He stopped, spotting Roy leaning cooly in his chair. "YOU?!" The hand boomed. "Eeep!" Roy squeaked, lost his cool, and fell back out of his chair. He leapt lightly to his feet, fixing his hair with an embarrassed expression on his face. "Y-yeah." Roy nodded towards the mighty hand. "GET OUT!" Master Hand hollered angrily. 

"Make me." He folded his arms across his chest with a superior look on his face. "Fine." Master Hand replied. He floated towards the boy, who yelped as Master Hand lifted him off of the ground by the back of his shirt. He wriggled rowdily as the hand drifted towards the window. "No! You can't do this! I'M PURE AWESOME!" But Master Hand's ears were deaf to his pleas... or rather not there... 'cause you know... He's a hand, and hands don't have ears... forget it. Master Hand opened the window with his free pinky, and tossed Roy out. Ness and Kirby were in rapture."You were right Roy! Kirby managed to say through his laughter. "They can't kick you out... because Master Hand is a hand... and he doesn't have a foot... so he technically can't kick.. and.. never mind." He stopped trying to explain an already-lame joke.

"Now that he's outta the way..." Master hand shook a bit, as if to get Roy Cooties off of him. "Let's meet out new brawlers!"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I apologize for the OOC-ness of basically everyone. :)

The dramatically oversized doors to the breakfast hall creaked opened slowly. Bit by bit, the group of new brawlers inched from behind the door. "Pit!" Master Hand suddenly yelled.

"Y-yes." A boy stepped forward, his beautiful white wings twitched nervously. "Welcome to Smash Mansion!" Master Hand held out... himself to welcome Pit. "Yeah..." The angel grasped Master Hand's pinky carefully, and moved it up and down. You could kinda hear the fangirls squealing in the back round. "So..."

"Sit down."

"Oh, okay..."

The guys were in envy, the girls were in awe. Who doesn't love Pit after all? He glowed with a holy light as he sat down next to Ness and Kirby, who were both far from awe and envy. In fact, both were devising a plan to "welcome" the newcomer. Kirby scooted closer to Pit, with Ness in silent rapture behind him. Pit didn't notice though, he was too busy watching Master Hand introduce the following smashers. The boy's attention was finally caught when Kirby was practically on his shoulder, leaning to his ear. He instinctively shrunk back a bit. "H-hello there little guy." Pit smiled and patted Kirby on the head. A sly smile crept over Kirby's face. "What is it?' Pit questioned, confused by this odd behavior. Surrounding smashers had began to shake their heads in dismay. Kirby's eyes grew wide and watery, his tiny mouth fell open. He stared into space eerily. "Hey man, you okay?" Kirby flinched suddenly, causing Pit to shrink back once more.

"I...I..." Kirby began in an ominous tone.

"I farted on you."

Ness could take it no longer. He roared with laughter, falling out of his seat and pounding his fists on the floor. Kirby followed his actions. Master Hand's voice stopped. He had been in the middle of introducing Olimar and his army of Pikmin. Pit froze, took one quick sniff, and stood up. "Eww..." He winced. "EWWWWWWWWW!" He ran off, screaming in disgust. Pit scampered around in frantic circles at first, then he bolted towards the hall doors in embarrassment. Running at top speed, Pit suddenly tripped over a small foot that had been purposefully placed in his path. This arose laughter in everyone, even the newcomers. Poor Pit had fled from embarrassment. Roy watched from the window, observing the hilarity of it all. "Yeah... you just wait... I'll be back."

"Hey man, nice one!" Ness congratulated the one who had tripped Pit. Kirby nodded. "Yeah, it totally completed out welcome farty!" Kirby slapped his forehead and laughed. "Get it? Welcome farty? Like party... but with an "F", like... fart. Which I did,... On him." Kirby could see that the two didn't find the clever joke as funny as he.

"So, what's your name?" Ness asked the newcomer.

"Lucas."

"That's cool."

Kiirby made a face. Ness had always said that his name was stupid... But it was all in good fun... Right?

"I'm Ness, by the way"

Kirby attempted to jump in. "And I'm--"

"So Lucas..." Ness began casually. "Wanna hang out sometime? Maybe welcome more of the unsuspecting smashers?"

"Sure... It'll be fun." Lucas nodded.

"Great... Oh, this is Kirby, my best bud!" Ness patted Kirby on the back, who gave out a sigh of relief.

"We're all going to be great friends!"

A/N: Okay, who has actually played Kid Icarus? 'Cause I only know one person who has... and he's really old. Pit sucks. But I'm a hypocrite... because I also think he's cool. I just needed someone to torture. And who has actually played Pikmin, and Metroid? I have, and they're great. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay! This is going smoothly. Oh, and I'm a dudette, by the way.

Kirby was right. Lucas, Ness, and him made an excellent team. Together, they were an unbearably cute trio that tortured people with farts and sneaky pranks. Kirby was always the distraction, or fart-guy. Ness and Lucas would always pull off the hilarious embarrassing part of the prank. Though it seemed unfair for Kirby, he was perfectly contented with being included, and didn't seem to notice the continuos times he was ditched while playing, sitting in the bathroom, and carrying large amounts of heavy groceries by himself. The planning for pranks got so simple, that there was no longer any need for distractions, and Kirby was left to sit and watch the prank in action. Ness grew closer to Lucas. After all, they were from the same series of games. Kirby's "alone time" grew longer, stretching from one, to six hours on end. He finally felt left out... Awhh...

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"It's okay man, I'm just gonna go bake some brownies." Kirby was talking to Ness, who was just about to go off with Lucas to an amusement park.

"You sure?" Despite the fact that Ness left Kirby out most of the time, he wasn't completely heartless. "I mean... 'cause we can postpone the trip. I forgot that Peach had asked you to make brownies to send back home to Daisy today... Why can't Peach do it herself anyways?" Ness questioned.

"You know I make the best brownies."

"But you're not that generous."

"I kinda owe her for some money she lent me."

"Oh, I thought she'd let it slide... Seeing as you're just a little puffball and all."

"It was a lot of money."

"How much?"

"Just go!" Kirby pushed Ness out of the door and slammed it behind him. He really just wanted to make brownies for himself. Kirby wanted to be included, but he wanted brownies more. Amusement parks kinda freaked him out anyways. "Awh yeah! Brownie time!" He twirled around cutely and clicked a button on the boom box next to him. The horrible sounds of some whiny teenager singing of his "horrible" life came flooding out.

"AND THEN YOU LEFT ME...ALOOOONE!" Kirby sang along with the song in his high pitched voice. "TO GO WITH YOUR OTHER FRIEND!" Kirby had began to make the brownies. Getting out all of his ingredients and supplies, he started mixing them together in a bowl. " I SAY I'M FINE BUT I'M NOT!" His voice cracked on the last note, but this was typical for him. But he couldn't help but make a connection between the song and his life. "Ohhhh! CAN'T YOU SEEE?! IT'S NOT OKAY WITH MEE!" Kirby pulled a tray to pour the brownie mix in. "LaalaaaLAAAA!" He opened the oven, popped the brownies in, and closed the door slowly. "Laala!" He set the timers, his usually quick small arms moving painfully slow. "Laa...Laa...la..." Kirby looked down, feeling just a tad depressed. "La..." He sighed. "I need to talk to someone! This problem is getting out of hand... I need to see..." He breathed in.

"Peach."

-scary music-

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"ARRG!" Kirby came barging into Marth's room, huffing and puffing out breaths of anger.

"Hey man." Marth was reading a magazine while seated in his beanie bag chair. He seemed unaffected by Kirby's surprising entry.

"Do you know where I came from?" Kirby glared at Marth, still out of breath.

"I'm guessing a female's womb. Or space. Possibly space."

"Very funny." He laughed sarcastically. "I just came from Peach's room!"

"Whoa, wouldn't that make your father Mario? Eurgh. I would kill myself if--"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

"I do?"

"I went to see Peach, with brownies! I was seeking help for my 'friendship problem'."

"Yum, brownies." Marth's eyes remained fixed on the magazine.

"And she gave me milk! MILK!"

"What a bitch."

"Pfft, yeah!" Kirby's arms wiggled around. "Then she hugged me and comforted me!"

"Oh no she didn't." Despite his odd replies, Marth didn't seem to wrapped up in the conversation. His voice was far off, and just above a murmur.

"Oh yes, SHE DID! Then she gave me expert advice!"

"You should've smacked her."

"I should've! But I was too busy letting my feelings out!"

"Well, we're not all perfect." Marth glanced a Kirby for a second, but then returned to his magazine.

"Duhh. But then she told me that I should talk to Ness, and tell him how I _feel_."

"Pure garbage."

"I know I know! Good thing I learned never to take a woman's advice! So the opposite of talking to him and working out my issues like a civilized being would be..."

"Bloody revenge." Marth commented, now interested.

"Good! Marth, you're great help." Kirby hugged Marth, who quickly shoved him away.

"Right!" Kirby brushed himself off, slightly embarrassed. "Man hugs, not cool." Marth nodded, then returned to his fascinating magazine. "Bye dude..." He mumbled, but Kirby had already bolted out of the door, anxious to start his scheme.

A/N: Yeah, I didn't really like this chapter. I usually make fun of Marth, but I had this strange impulse to make him awesomely aloof. Forgive me for cutting the meeting with Peach out, the part with him singing strange emo music was painful enough.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Woo! I've started on the next chapter! Finally. I've just been spending the past hours of my life throwing socks at random mosquito-eaters on the wall.

"Hey Kirby! We're back!" Ness's shout rang through the entrance of Smash Mansion, up the stairs, and into Kirby's ears.

"Gwah!" He awoke with a start, lifting a paper that had been stuck to his face up with his tired head. He had been sleeping. Kirby slowly peeled the blueprint for his plan off of his face. "Hey Kirby!?" Ness called out for his friend once more, this time walking up the stairs towards Kirby's room. Kirby quickly folded his plan three times and shoved it in the desk drawer. The drawer had been rammed shut by the time Ness arrived in the doorway. "I have a surprise for you man!"

Kirby was horrified. "Oh shitake mushrooms!" He thought to himself. "Ness has discovered my plan! Now he's gonna get me!" Kirby trembled. "Y-yes." He twidled his imaginary thumbs. "What is it?"

"Ta-DAAA!" Ness jumped inside the room, hiding something behind his back. "..." Kirby was silent. "A... knife?" He whispered. "Er..." Ness cocked his head to one side. "No."

"Then it's a gun!"

"No."

"A rope?"

"No."

"Broken glass?"

"No!"

"Bomb?"

"NO!"

Ness brought his hands out from behind his back, smiling happily. "It's a cat!" Kirby - who had ducked behind the chair after he guessed for the third time - crawled into the open, eyeing the carrying cage Ness was holding. "F-for me?" He asked, slightly touched. "Yes!" Ness smiled. "We're friends, aren't we?" He set the cage down and lifted the rusty door open. The inside was dark, and small - from what Kirby could see.

"Tch!" A cat came crawling out of the cage, much to Kirby's amazement. "My very own cat..." Unfortunately, the cat was no where near "cute". It wasn't even ugly. It was just flat out hideous. It's fur was a scraggly tangled mess, it's face was grossly deformed, and it's breathing could be heard from across the room. "Yeah.." Ness scratched the back of his head. "Sorry he's so gross. It was the only one I could afford. But he can do all kinds of things!" He nodded excitedly. "Like... if you leave him in a room by himself too long, he'll start to drool and eventually fall over like a statue! And see? He has two noses and three nostrils! And his meow is cool too!" Ness prodded the cats side with his foot, as if too afraid to make contact with bare skin. "Go on... meow."

"Mew!" The cat mewed cutely. "Awh!" Kirby's eyes became glazed."That's so--"

"Wait." Ness interrupted him. The cat twitched, rolled over on it's side, and started kicking it's legs all spaz-like."MrrroowwweheeeeOOOwowowo!" The cat continued like this for about two minutes, with Kirby and Ness watching in awe. "Mrrow..." It gave one last kick, and fell asleep.

"That was pure awesome." Kirby exclaimed, quivering with amazement. "I've never seen a cat do that before."

"Ditto." Ness agreed. "The guy gave him to me for free! Almost seemed happy to get rid of him... Yeah, I'm glad Lucas suggested going shopping for you."

"Lucas?!"

"Yep... I was just gonna bring you some cotton candy but..."

"That's so nice..." Kirby sniffed, his eyes watering.

"Yeah... well, I'm just gonna leave now. Enjoy him!" Ness reached down to pat the cat, but stopped. He shuddered, and walked out.

"Well that was nice of Lucas huh..." Kirby had begun to talk to his new one-of-a-kind pet, but realized that he didn't have a name yet. "... Mister Fudge." He decided. "That was nice..." He stroked his cat in silence. "Maybe I should..."

"Oh yeah!" Ness appeared in the doorway once more. "Lucas bought himself an iPhone, he got you the cat instead of one for you though... he'd thought you'd enjoy it more! Come check it out later!" Ness rushed away again, leaving Kirby alone.

"Oh yeah." Kirby scowled. "Lucas is going down."

A/N: I don't particularly like this chapter either. But Mister Fudge is like a boy version of my cat. Oh, and I'm planning for Pit to make another appearance in a later chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Oh yeah! I'm pumped! I'm going to try and get lots of typing done before my sugar crash. This is a good one. I encourage you to read it.

"Mweeheehee!" Kirby laughed his evil laugh.

"Lucas, you are SO dead!" His eyes blazed with madness as he placed a bowling ball on top of a ladder positioned by the door to his bedroom. He slid down the ladder, trying hard not to spaz out with his excitement. "Alright!" He clapped his hands together, a twisted sense of accomplishment overwhelming his emotions. Mister Fudge padded into the room and sat next to his owner, purring with delight. Well... _trying_ to purr with delight. It really just sounded like someone sucking a large amount of snot back up their nose while operating a jackhammer.

"Why, hello there Mister Fudge! Would you like to hear my plan for THE COMPLETE AND UTTER DESTRUCTION OF LUCAS?"

Mister Fudge coughed up a slimy bottle cap.

"Okay! My plan happens to be called: THE COMPLETE AND UTTER DESTRUCTION OF LUCAS! Catchy, no?" Kirby winked.

The cat fell on it's side, drooling profusely.

"Yep. You see, he's going to walk in, which will activate the door device. And... do you see the heavy object in the shape of a sphere? Well, because of the laws of physics, it will fall off of the doorway, gaining velocity, and finally delivering a devastating blow to an unsuspecting Lucas right on the cranium! Then, rendering him as an icy corpse. I will give him a respectful burial... in the gutter. I'm so smart!"

Mister Fudge had fallen asleep, still drooling.

"Awh..." Kirby's eyes grew wide and sparkly. "I love you Mister Fudge!" He suddenly reached for his cat, and squeezed him tightly. Mister Fudge coughed up more bizarre things and wriggled away from Kirby's hold, strolling out the door to lick himself clean.

"Alright then..." Kirby called after his cat. "You just go on, be cool!"

"Okay! Back to my plan!"

Kirby wedged himself between the wall and a bookshelf, making sure to hide himself well. Once comfortable, he cleared his throat, and shouted at the top of his little lungs. "LUCAAAAAS! I HAVE A COOLIO SURPRIIISE FOR YEW!"

Kirby snickered. It was only a matter of time now.

"Okay!" He heard Lucas call back.

Far off footsteps were heard.

Kirby became still.

The stairs were being climbed.

Kirby took a sharp breath in.

There was running in the hallway.

He closed his eyes, hoping that his insanely stupid plan worked.

The door creaked open, slowly at first, but then it received a little push. "HAHAHAH!" Kirby laughed aloud, expecting to catch sight of Lucas being suddenly crushed to a pulp with a bowling ball. Instead, there was Mister Fudge, staring at him curiously in the doorway. "Uh..oh.." The bowling ball tipped over, and plummeted towards the innocent deformity of a cat. "Mist--!" Kirby's cry was interrupted. The bowling ball made impact... with the ground, missing the cat by inches.

"Whew..." Kirby wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Hey, Fudge... that was a close--"

**BOOM**

Without warning, Mister Fudge exploded into a shower of amazing sparks. The force of the explosion made Kirby fly back and hit the wall. The sparks continued to fly, and Kirby watched, devastated at the sudden demise of his cat, yet amused by the pretty colors. But after a few minutes, the sparks stopped, and Kirby was snapped back to the sheer horror of it all. "FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDGGGGGEEEEEEE!" He cried, but his cat was no more than a burnt carcass sprawled on the floor. Kirby rushed up to his cat, ignoring the hot embers on the ground.

He held his cat close. "WHY WHY WHY WHY?! WHHHHYYYY--Ow! Oh my God that is hot!" He dropped Mister Fudge, shaking his burning hands in pain.

Captain Falcon's voice broke through the agony. "Hey? It someone barbecuing? Smells GOOD!"

Now over his grief, Kirby began to panic. His thoughts raced.

"Oh crap! They're all gonna wanna know what happened! Then they'll question me until I crack! ARRRG! They'll kick me out of Smash Brothers if they know I attempted to kill another smasher! (Ironic, huh?)" His eyes darted around the room wildly, resting on the window. "That's it!" He called aloud. Kirby quickly gathered his cat's remain in a sack he randomly picked up. "FOR NARNIA!" He screeched as he opened the window and flung himself out heroically.

_Meanwhile..._

Pit was on the front lawn of Smash Mansion, answering multiple questions asked from television reporters who were interested in knowing more about the angel from a game hardly anyone has played.

"So..." A short woman with light brown hair shoved the microphone in Pit's face. "Pit? May I call you Pit? Or Kid Icarus?"

"Pit please.." He answered politely.

The woman smiled, showing off her perfectly straight teeth. "So polite! Okay Pit! The fans are dying to know..." She stopped and drew a card from a basket her assistant was holding. "Ahem..." She began to read off of the card. "What is your bra size?"

Pit raised his eyebrows.

"Oh..." The TV reporter tossed the card away and apologized as she drew another one. "What is your favorite color?" She gazed up at him, curious. Pit smiled back. "Well... white. You see... It's so pure and holy and beau--"

"FOR NARNIA!" A cry shot through the air, making all of the newspeople (And Pit) look up. From the highest floor of the mansion, two items were falling, they didn't really differ in size, but rather in shape and color. One was pink and round, and the other was tan and lumpy. The pink object seemed to be screaming for his mommy, and both objects appeared to be growing larger. "Oh... No..." Pit groaned, slapping his forehead.

"Look out below! Kirby screamed, but Pit didn't bother, he knew what was coming.

**WHAM**

Kirby reached the ground, and Pit cushioned his suicidal fall. "Thanks dude!" Kirby shot off. He was anxious to get away from the newspeople. But there was another reason as well...

Pit shakily rose to meet the faces of the bewildered newspeople. "Hey guys, sorry abo--" Pit stopped, shot up, and sniffed. "Ew."

"OHMAHGAWD! FARTS!" He held his face in his hands.

The newscaster blinked twice and turned back to the camera. "Ladies and gentlemen," She began darkly. "Pit, my hero, has just cut a SICK fart in front of the public. I am truly ashamed... Hide your children's faces... this is a hero gone STANKY."

"Wait! I didn't--"

"BACK! You sicko-fart-guy!"

The newspeople left with their noses plugged, and Pit was left alone once more.

A/N: Yeah. This one has my mark. )


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Oh yeah! Here I go! I'M PUMPED!

Kirby ran through the backyard of Smash Mansion. The mansion's backyard was an extremely large, over-fancified garden. It was decorated with flowers of every color, and shrubs of every shape. But none of the beautiful scenery made a difference. Kirby was running, with the well-done corpse of his cat resting in a sack that was slung over his back. Despite the perfect weather and the stunning state of the garden, no one except Kirby was in the garden...

"This is so wrong!" Kirby cried as he slowed to a dragged step. He whined loudly and turned back, then forward, worrying about his next move. "Okay... Okay..." He rubbed his temples. "Bury! I'll give my cat a respectful funeral!" He patted the sack and laughed insanely. "You'll be safe soon Fudge!"

Kirby continued to walk through the garden, growing more paranoid with each step. Every twig broken, every falling leaf... They were all his enemies.

"Hey Kirby." A voice smashed through his tension.

"GWAHAHA! DWAH!" Kirby spun around, swinging the sack around wildly. "DWAHAHA! BACK BACK BACK!"

"Whoa man, what are you on?"

"SHHHWWWWAAAA-- Huh?" Kirby stopped his swinging and actually looked at the person talking to him. His fear turned to relief. The person was too stupid to realize what was going on. It was the one, the only, Roy.

Roy peered nervously at the sack. "Um..." He stepped back. "Is everything alright?"

"What are you doing here?" Kirby asked, ignoring Roy's question.

"Sneaking back in."

"In the middle of the day?"

"Well..."

"With people awake? And Master Hand fully alert?"

"Um..."

"You're not even sneaking! You're just wandering out here!"

"You see I..."

"Shut up."

Roy shook his head and rolled his eyes like he knew exactly what was happening. "Hey..." Roy's attention was captured by the sack once more. "What's in the bag Kirb?" He walked towards Kirby, reaching out to touch the bag. "NO!" Kirby suddenly screeched, flying back. The boy grew curious. "C'mon... just a peek?"

"I'll hit you! I mean it!"

Kirby began brandishing the bag in Roy's direction. Of course, Roy ignored this threat, and proceeded to touch the bag.

"YOU!" Someone shouted angrily, making Roy stop. Both Kirby and Roy turned, to meet an angry Pit making his way towards them. "Crap." Kirby mumbled. "I'm outta gas." He turned on his heel, hoping to make a sly getaway. But Pit foresaw this, and shot an arrow at Kirby. It pierced the bag, and both the arrow and the bag flew until they stuck to a tree. Kirby gasped, and ran to his cat. Roy glared at Pit. "What the hell is your problem? Interrupting conversations! Shooting arrows at random sacks that people carry! You have some seriou--" Pit pushed past Roy roughly, heading towards Kirby.

"I HOPE YOU"RE HAPPY!" Pit hollered, pointing at Kirby. "You've ruined my image with the public! Now I'm gonna open a can of angel whup-ass on you!" Pit drew his sowords and whipped them through the air cooly, cutting off branches of the tree above him as he did.

"Hey man!" Roy approached the two. "I'm not done with you--" He tapped Pit on the shoulder, but a brach that had been sliced loose fell and knocked him on the head, leaving poor Roy out cold. "Prepare for a smackdown!" All of Pit's innocence disappeared, revealing a very angry kid. He suddenly lashed out, but Kirby skillfully dodged him. "Wait!" Kirby shouted, waving his arms frantically. "I'm just a cute little fluffball!" His eyes became huge and sparkly. "Who would hurt an adorable thing like me?" He stood on his toes, trying his hardest to be as cute as possible. Pit tilted his head. He scratched his chin, and pondered over his decision. His battle-ready arms went limp, and he smiled faintly. "I would." He said, and Kirby's jaw dropped. "SUFFER!" He screeched.

"Oh my God." The newslady and her crew emerged from the bushes. Kirby and Pit stopped their dramatic scene and looked over to them.. "Ladies and gentlemen..." She turned to the camera. "I came here to give out poor, gassy Pit another chance. Instead, I find him beating up adorable puffballs! Kirby! Poor Kirby! I love Kirby! This kind of inexcusable issue calls for an angry mob!" She turned to Pit, who was almost hysterical.

"WHY?!" He cried to the sky.

"Because you suck." The sky called back.

"ARRRG!" Pit screamed as a mob of people came and dragged him away.

Kirby was left alone. He gently tugged his bag off of the tree. "Well... At least that wasn't weird."

A/N: Yes. This would have to be my least favorite chapter so far. I was actually going to have Pit kick Kirby in the face, but that would be too serious. Poor Roy. :(


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry for the holdup. Kinda busy with other stuff.

Kirby buried his cat alone, in an area surrounded by shrubs and wild flowers. Of course, he had only known Mister Fudge for a couple of days, but he had grown attached. He paid his respects, and left. Kirby moped around in his room that night, without a friend, and without a cat.

**Meanwhile...**

"Augh... God... My head..." Roy awoke from his coma, picking himself up from the ground, which was muddy from the rain. "What the hell? Wasn't it sunny?!" He puzzled over the sudden change in weather, but then decided to leave it be. He looked up at the dark sky, then down at his watch.

10:00 P.M.

"Wow... I must've been out for a while." He rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. "Stupid angel..." Roy scowled at the thought of him. "Wait... I can sneak back in now! WOO!" Roy ended the conversation with himself with a loud cheer. "Time to get back into brawl!" He darted off towards the mansion, taking care to hide behind certain bushes for a sneaking effect. Poor Roy was almost to the mansion, when he tripped over a mound of dirt. "EEK!" He squeaked loudly. The walls of Smash Mansion were apparently thin, because about three bedroom lights went on at the start of this sound. "Oh no..." Roy picked his head up from the mud, he knew what was coming. Multiple voices were heard, all sounded annoyed.

"What the?"

"Pikachutup!"

"Who dares to awaken the captain of ALL falcons?!"

"Mama Mia!"

"Wah? Who's there?"

Master Hand and the rest of the smash gang came rushing out to meet Roy, who was feeling stupider than usual. The hand clenched.. um... his body in anger. "ROY!" He shouted. "I've already kicked you out! Must I--" He stopped, noticing what Roy had tripped over. Kirby noticed it too. " What is that you're laying on?" Master Hand questioned. "Oh..." Roy looked down. "I'm not sure..." He slowly got up. Layers of mud were lifted from the ground with his shirt, revealing the hardly recognizable carcass of Mister Fudge. "AHHHIIII AHHHHHH EHHHH!" Roy squealed in disgust. He wiggled around violently, flinging the mud from his shirt in random directions. "EW EWEWEWEWEW! CORPSE! DEAD THINGS! BLEEHHAAA!" He ran behind Marth, who was shaking his head in dismay.

"I can't believe we're in the same game together."

"It's..." Master Hand leaned closer. "It's a cat! ...And it didn't die from natural causes."

"Poor kitty!" Zelda and Peach sobbed.

"Wait... a cat?" A familiar voice was heard from the center of the crowd. Ness pushed his way into the scene. "I just gave Kirby a cat like... a while ago!" He ran up to the mound. Master Hand turned. "Kirby!" He called.

"H-huh?" Kirby inched his way in front of Master hand.

"Is this your cat?"

Kirby didn't need to check. He bowed his head down, and nodded silently. He felt pretty guilty about the whole ordeal.

"Did... Did you do this to him?" Master Hand leaned closer, as Kirby had begun to shrink back.

"Y-ye--"

"I did it." Someone interrupted Kirby in mid-confession. Then they stepped into view.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Woo! Cliffie wasn't very good, eh?So sorry for the OOC Lucas.This chapter is crammed full of info.

"CAPTAIN FALCON?!" Kirby was stunned to find the middle-aged racer step up and take the blame.

"Yup..." The man sniffed and wiped his nose triumphantly. "I admit it." A grin slid across his face. " I ADMIT TO BEING TOTALLY AWESOME!" He stuck both his thumbs up, freezing his face in an exaggerated state of joy and glee. If this was anime, everyone would have a sweat drop moment.

"Someone _please _shut him up!" An angry smasher called out. Peach responded by chucking a koopa shell in Captain Falcon's direction. "Whoa!" He quickly dodged it. "Hehe, sorry, couldn't help myself." Scratching the back of his head, Captain Falcon sunk back into the crowd to avoid being pummeled by flying objects. Master Hand ignored the annoying interruption and turned back to Kirby. "So... You were saying?"

He knew this was it. "I did--"

"WAIT!"

"UGH! " Kirby turned to the source of the disturbance. "What the hell people? I'm TRYING to have a noble moment here!"

He was surprised to find that Ness was the one responsible for breaking him off.

"This isn't Mister Fudge."

DUNDUNDUN

"What? It's my cat, I know it's my cat!"

"Well, unless your cat is a robotic bomb, I think it's safe to say that the actual Mister Fudge is alive somewhere."

"Robotic... BOMB?! WHAT?"

Master Hand plopped himself down on the grass. "This is more than the 'murder' of Mister Fudge, this is an attempt to MURDER another smasher!" Everyone gasped in unison, Kirby's was faked though, he didn't know about the bomb part, but he had tried to kill Lucas in a fit of madness.

"Now," Master hand began. "it may take a while to force the truth out of the killer so--"

"It was me."

"Friggin... What is UP with all of these confessions?!"

Lucas stepped forward. (Everyone saw that coming. :D) "I made the robotic cat to take down Kirby."

Ness was in shock. "Why?" He trembled. "Pranking is one thing... but..."

"Dude, it's your fault." Lucas pointed to Ness.

The crowd gasped.

"MY fault? I have NO idea what you're talking about!"

The crowd gasped again.

"Kirby Kirby Kirby. He was all you talked about." Lucas made his voice higher. "Ohh, Kirby is SO good at pranks! Ohh, maybe we should go get him to hang with us? Ohh, dude, I remember this one time when Kirby..." He returned his voice to normal."I tried canceling him out by using up your time with him... but it didn't work... So..." He paused. "Enough said. I was sick of it, so I went to Peach for advice. Of course, it was crap advice. So I went to Marth, who gave me the idea of bloody revenge."

Marth stood up stuck his hand in the air. "Right on."

"I can't believe it..." Kirby was frozen. "I can't believe you, of all people, would come up with SUCH a lame plan to whack someone!"

Lucas shrugged. "Wasn't my idea... I was gonna use a bowling ball and..."

"But..." Kirby began. "Who's idea was it?"

It wasn't long until his question was answered. The "oh-so-clever" person who had devised the plan for Lucas was up in the trees, waiting for the right moment to appear.

DunDundUUUUUUN

A/N: Couldn't help myself. I had to have another cliffie. Less obvious this time? I hope? Fanfic is almost over...


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Wooo! Last chapter! SAVOR IT WELL. Haah, and to think, my desire to write sprung from my unconditional hatred of my seventh grade english teacher. THIS IS FOR YOU RIVAS-ZILLA! Kirby sounds like my brother. You'll understand.

DISCLAIMER: Okay, apparently, I need to do this... which is ANNOYING. I own squat, just MF.

"Okay, so here's what you're saying," Kirby began. "You tried to freaking assassinate me with a freaking robotic bomb that freaking looked amazingly similar to my freaking cat, Mister Fudge. And though you freaking put the plot into action, freaking someone else gave you the freaking idea?"

"Okay, stop. Not just the idea..." Lucas stepped closer. "The parts, the blueprints, everything... I just built it and set it on you..."

Kirby nodded. "Okay... so... Did you tell the person who this deformed death delivery was for?"

"I sure did... He didn't seem interested at first... But when I mentioned your name, he flipped out."

"Who is it?" Kirby finally asked the burning question. Who was behind the master mind scheme to take him down?

"... Well... It's... Uhh... I don't want to say..." (Ohh, disappointment.)

Master Hand stood up on his... fingers... (Damn, I'm getting tired of doing this.) "Okay Lucas, we'll have to assume it was all you and--"

"NO!"

The smashers heads turned to the tree above them. "Woohoo! DRAMA MURDER MYSTERY!" Captain Falcon screeched.

"Don't you DARE give that idiotic excuse for a boy credit for my plan!" And out of the tree dropped... DIDDY KONG?

"NOOO!" Donkey Kong bellowed as he pounded his chest. "Didn't I raise you right? WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!" He latched onto Fox's shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. Fox patted the ape awkwardly on the back.

"Hahh..." The tree sighed. "Not the monkey, I'm still in the tree... imbeciles..." And down from the tree dropped... ROY?

"OHMYGAWD ROY HOW COULD YOU?!" A random fangirl screamed.

"Friggin... I'm Pit you dumb-ass!"

Everyone gasped, and the fangirl paused. "OHMYGAWD PIT HOW COULD YOU?!"

Pit was silent, as was everyone else. "Okay, could someone please throw a brick or something? The silence is killer." Despite his request, nothing was thrown. "Okay then, I'll just start my evil explanation. Pit pulled a note card out from behind his back. (I'm sorry, I just had a laughing fit. It's like he hid the note card in his butt or something o.0;; XD) "Ehem," Pit cleared his throat. "And so, today ladies and gentlemen I'd like to make... a marriage proposal... to... Captian... Falc--What the hell?" He ripped the card up, and Captain Falcon sat down. Pit pulled another card from... God knows where. "Ehem..." He cleared his throat once more. "Now, I--" He was interrupted by a brick smashing into his skull. Pit crumpled to the floor, unconscious. (At least alive. :0 Dang... a brick."

"WOO! I NAILED HIM!" Roy emerged from the crowd, break dancing badly. "GIMME FIVE!" He screeched as he turned to Marth, who high fived him... in the face.

"Pfft, jealous loser."

"OMG! ROY'S A HERO!" The crowd erupted into a screaming mass of smashers, who all ran to his side.

"Well..." Master Hand stuffed Pit into a large box. "Let's ship him off to Germany... Roy, you got your job back."

"YYYYYEEEEEEESSSSS!" Smashers continued to crawl all over Roy, congratulating him, hugging him.

"Well..." Lucas sighed cooly. "I'm outta here, this place sucks, Hey hand, think you could ship me off somewhere tropical?" Master Hand laughed and ruffled Lucas's hair playfully. "Of course!" (Shortly after these events, Lucas was shipped to a deserted island.)

"I LOVE THIS DAY!" Roy shot his hands up into the air as fangirls entered the crowd.

Meanwhile, outside the cluster, Ness, Kirby, and the apparently alive Mister Fudge were planning their next attack, just like the best friends they were.

**THE**_ (corny)_** END**

**AFTER CRAP: **_Roy went on to bask in his glory, for about two weeks... Then everyone started kicking his butt in Brawl and belittling him again. Mister Fudge went on to birth kittens, _(Holy...)_ who were the most beautiful kittens in the universe. Pit was shipped to Germany, where no one understood a word he said. Ness and Kirby pranked all the smashers countless times, and eventually moved on to reeking their havoc on the outside world. Master Hand continued to have crappy jokes about the same thing made up about him. Captain Falcon remained Captain Falcon. _CUE THE HAPPY MUSIC!

A/N: OH YEAH! IT'S DONE! Crappy ending, I know, but gimme the props. I was writing to Metro Station. ;D So I had the sudden urge to travel to California... which is where I live... SAD.

Review dude, oh, and I need character ideas for my first one-shot. On profile. Feel free to offer up any suggestions. Of course, it's SSB.


End file.
